Inscription

Once I leave 

This place--a city too traditional 

for people like us...

Once I leave 

I would fly

I would put lipstick on my bare face 

and would write ACE

In the end, we do have 

right to express 

and right to choose

what we want to become.

 

LKO

 

Predatory Moron

Every time I see her

I feel how unlucky he is;

Tolerating a moron 

(Or should I say super-talented

to harm people?)

months after months 

under one roof

is such a pain! 

 

LKO

 

Third Party

About women of this city

An outsider would develop bad impression

Women are mobile

They even drive cars...

but they are still not empowered 

to make some necessary decisions.

Certain times I feel they try to please too much 

And lose their identity in the process.

Other times, they have convoluted thinking

And I do not consider them worthy of 

any kind of relationships.

Some of them are even fake 

and practices euphemism.

The woman I used to like a bit

Or who did support me...

has been exposed by another;

I can clearly see some characteristics

Which were not prominent earlier.

It is often said that the presence of a third party 

always reveals the real image

And that has been proved to be true 

by my presence in his life. 

The quality of the woman he got married

has been exposed!  

Now, either he can only regret for his choice

Or can come out from it.

 

LKO

 

 

Tahzib and Digital Fever

The woman sold some colored sticks;

And another group of

women ran after those :)

It's a blessing that I wasn't born

Nor brought up here

The glorious past of this city

In terms of art and architecture

Cannot wash away its present folly. 

The tongue of women and men here

practices euphemism

Which is called "tahzib"  

and thus can be used to evade 

what you don't want to tell or listen to.

The other recent observation is that 

the prince's digital fever has created

another useless platform

which any sensible person would avoid. 

Now who has got power to tell their mistakes

Who would say that the "king is naked"

For that we need some brave-hearts 

like the child who would point out

the king has no clothes on him. 

LKO

 

 

She

The answer is "NO"
She didn't love
Or better to say
She loved less.
Her struggles to feed
her daughters
And give them a decent education
Almost killed their emotions
for each other.
But she was spiritual
they were... Both
engrossed in their own world for
different reasons.
And these days
Such persons are rare to find.
She was the decision maker...
The center of our universe.

LKO

A Sweet River

Your body smelled positive
I had happiness
While thinking through it.
You are back in your old form
The sweetness in the river is flowing.
I took your smell
And absorbed u
after a long time.
In fact I ate you
Like I eat ice cream.
Your brown pupils shined in the shadow.

Never lose your sweet river...
Those people made it dirty
Now, you are back in your old form
This is the way
I would like to see you
As long as I am alive.
We are evergreen pines
We don't shed leaves.

LKO

Hurt

He placed the dagger at the right spot

He knew where to hurt. 

LKO

ACE VI

I have a blank page
Few memories
With the thin, dark brown
May be more towards black
Man... My father.
Yet, I resemble him
We are both emotional creatures!
We both love poetry
He was a better writer
Published more than me;

Did she love him?
My mother?
It's complicated..
We can leave the question here.
I feel it's more habitual love
than anything else.
My aromantic mother
Most probably got married to a
Heteroromantic Ace
They didn't know their
sexual orientations.
Does it make our life better?
Understanding your orientation
Knowing the complex world of
sexuality and gender.
Yes, it does.
You wouldn't choose anyone
Who does not have any knowledge
of "who we are."

LKO

The Happy Hour

"Come to the Happy Hour."

--What's that? I asked. 

It's a weekend gathering 

of grad students and professors--

Yeah, sometimes professors

--Oh, okay. Sure I will join. 

 

My first "happy hour" was good. 

I spent time with a glass 

full of colorless lime-flavored soft-drink. 

No, I hadn't developed the 

taste of drinking Woodchuck Cider yet---

Later it became my favorite along with the Ginger Ale. 

LKO

  

Flow and Fake

I have flow...like a river

I would move...

At least I know

I would end up in a different city

and wouldn't be here lifelong. 

But you...stuck with a person

with whom you have no similarity; 

You would live a fake life 

throughout the end.

And you have to show 

How happy you are

with everything you have.

On the contrary, 

I have nothing...

Yes, I am sad

I am depressed

But I don't need to fake it. 

LKO

Miracle

You threw away my love

by choosing the white flower

Pick up the purple (If you wish)

and see the miracle inside you. 

LKO

Wedding

Looking at Saima and Bianca 

First time I could ever imagine 

my own wedding.

Isn't it wonderful? 

That I received inspiration 

from same-sex couple.

Love is beyond any boundaries

and I believe in that;

It is the people who pollute it 

unnecessarily; they encircle it 

with their ideologies of right and wrong

Now, let's go back to Saima and Bianca

and their wedding in California 

I realized without the presence

of a well-behaved canine

My wedding will be incomplete.

LKO

Reality Check

The white was not very bright

It wasn't piercing my eyes.

But I expected purple--you know that.

So, it was hard for me to consume the truth.

Please do confirm once more. 

May be it is my time to check the reality

And come down on this Earth 

from my heavenly abode.

 

Also, Akbar had conveyed

the message regarding separation

It was deliberate but he received the chance

He knew that news would flow. 

 

Please do confirm once more. 

May be it is my time to check the reality

And come down on this Earth 

from my heavenly abode.

And if there is no value 

of intellectual capability

which is the basis of my entire existence

I would try to find someone 

who would at least value that. 

Actually, I already know someone

who values me for that reason.  

LKO

 

 

Her Wedding

Looking at Saima and Bianca

First time she could ever imagine 

her own wedding.

She realized without the presence

of a well-behaved canine

Her wedding will be incomplete.

LKO

Venom

Dear, I feel distressed

My poetry is like a poisonous snake

always erupting venom.

I have lost my loving soul

What you have done to me?

What they have done to us?

Will you be able to fill my heart 

with love again like the good old days?

LKO

Traveling Spree

If our daughter catches cold 

for your traveling spree...

I will make you stand near Gomti

and force you to take ten consecutive dips

in the cold water. 

 

[I hope now he understands 

her love.]

LKO

Dragon

Certain creatures

May be beautiful from outside

but do not deserve any mercy.

The creature you brought--

the fire releasing dragon from the dungeon 

is itself a hell unleashed by you. 

LKO

 

 

 

Something Somewhere

Something has unsettled me

Something is bothering me

which I can't exactly nail down.

I wish I could understand certain things

about you...your degree of liberalism

Sometimes I feel I am way too much

for you and you won't be able to grasp me.

Today, I wanted to reach out to you

And I did write several messages

Certain things have been happening

But then I deleted all my messages

'Cause I don't want to be a victim

in the hands of your leopard kin;

I am worried about the little one

As I don't want any influence 

of your leopard kin on her character.  

Purple or White?

Dear, could I ask you something? 

Sure, why not? He replied.

 

What do you value? 

Do you value intellectual ability

or do you value beauty more than intellect? 

Think about it...

Take your time...

and when you see me next time

I hope to receive an answer. 

 

Wear the purple one

the one you wore and 

came suddenly in the room

It was in the very beginning;

I said purple suits you.  

 

If you value intellectual ability

over beauty, then come out with purple.

If intellectual ability is secondary

and beauty is primary

then appear in white as usual. 

And remember, you don't need to create 

any false image to satisfy my soul. 

I have the ability to consume truth 

either sweet or bitter. 

 

P.S. Don't dodge the question by saying "beauty lies in the eyes of beholder."Also, I am using the word "beauty" in narrower sense, the way it is measured in practical and material world. So, think about the question carefully and come out with an answer.

 

 

LKO

 

Compatibility

Farooq--I called his name

He was busy in cooking chicken 

and I was patiently waiting for my food. 

 

Farooq--I uttered his name again

and this time he paid attention to me.

 

Farooq, do you think 

I am truly compatible with you

Or is it my imagination? 

 

He did not answer...

Farooq always fed me well.

LKO

 

 

Abortion

She felt bad after taking a pill 

and killing the baby 

whose sex wasn't identified. 

She sent me a poem out of guilt (?)

She didn't ask for my opinion

But I told her what I thought. 

I expressed that women should have control

on their choices and on their bodies

and if women do choose abortion

out of circumstances or for some other reasons

we should respect such decisions.  

 

My mother aborted a child--I said

She said it was a boy...

I wondered how did she know the sex

Or was it just her imagination? 

I never judged her

Rather was happy that a boy wasn't there 

to be bossy around me or

to curb my independence.

LKO

 

 

Return

Do you know what's in my mind? 

 

How would I know if you don't say it.

I can't read your mind. 

You can read my mind...You know that.

Don't you? 

 

First thing, we need to save our love

the way we save water in the desert...

They would always try to pollute it. 

But we shouldn't have any doubt

Remember, our love has more strength

than they can ever imagine!

 

Second, I don't have any regret now

that I didn't smile at her in our first meeting. 

Everything happens for a reason...

I didn't know that she would end up like this

Or I would discover her real face

So honestly, I don't have any regret now.

Third, she thinks I have admitted my defeat

But tell her, I would never leave you 

in the hands of evil...

I am waiting for the right time.

I am waiting for your return. 

LKO

Good Old Days

I have kept an old picture of mine

to remind me the good old days

but intense;

But it was good--those days...

You came to find me in the room

I knew...You didn't come to find anyone else

Dear, those were good old days!

I remind myself. 

 

You don't need to pacify me

I am always pacified

whenever I see you.

I just don't reveal that.

 

Long before your daughter was born

I was shown you with her.

You held her in your left arm

And you were smiling at me!

 

I have seen you with her 

many many days back!

I was shown the future

Rest, I will not reveal now

Because I have surrendered myself 

To the unknown.

 

LKO

Father and Son

What I saw or learnt from seeing you

is that some fathers crush their sons 

by the weight of their own expectations. 

And sons feel obliged to fulfill their duties

You are a great example of that. 

It's not bad...sometimes it may feel too heavy

But I am sure, you would come out with flying colors. 

LKO

Conversation XXVII

I felt bad
Seeing you after long time
My beloved--happy, jovial, is lost
I didn't want to see you like that.
Your beard lost its beauty
You looked like a dacoit of Bengal
I hope you neither appeared to pacify me
Nor to make me smile
Because, I can only smile
The day you would become mine. 

You know, one thing is clear to me

What? (He asked) 

She cannot love you

more than me...

 

Why? 

Because you hide yourself...

She is such an insecure soul 

that she doesn't want you 

to look handsome in public. 

Also, she wants her to look good

more than you...she wants all the 

praise to be showered on her. 

 

On the contrary, I would always want 

you to be charming, 

I would enjoy if women praise you openly

even when I am present...

Because, it will be me who would choose 

all the colors for you

and I know you would happily wear the colors

I would give.

 

LKO

Lal Pul and Gomti

At Lal Pul, or as they say it--Pakka Pul

I found the river again--the Gomti

She was a woman 

walking beside me...

Her shadow was pierced by the 

headlights of moving vehicles.

 

I looked at my Gomti

She was like a shy girl 

hiding behind the curtain 

observing how darkness slowly

comes down to the Earth. 

 

But I am not shy Gomti

I do not live under the veil

I have a face, an identity

I have independence 

which few woman can achieve in our society

and I am proud of that!

Gomti, with you

I found my sleeping poet inside

after a long time. 

 

It may have happened before

that my beloved and I walked on this pul together

in a bygone time. 

At Lal Pul, I thought

while smiling at my Gomti...

Can't we see her again 

from the above

and from the below

can't we touch our bygone moments once more

with our dearest Gomti? 

 

LKO 

 

Queer

Putting my finger on the water

Putting my finger on the gentle waves

I enjoy my liberty 

I enjoy my queerness

I am happy that

I will never be a late bloomer. 

LKO

Conversation XXVI

 He: What if I can't see the blue sky

        What if I can't even come out in the rain..

        What would happen?

 

She: I don't know dear

        I everyday pray for your release

        You have been put into a dark dungeon.

 

        Everything depends on your intention

        and how much you want to work for it. 

        So, if you strongly desire to come out

        Then only you will be able 

        to come out in the rain!

        You would again see the sky. 

 

He: And If I can't, even I desire...

 

She: I don't know...

        I don't know how much you want

        I can only tell that 

        you will not be released voluntarily

        by the people who captured you...

 

        You are a prisoner now

        And in order to be free

        You would need external support. 

        Again, everything depends on you. 

 

        If you accept lifetime imprisonment

        I am no one who could do anything. 

        Baby, I don't even exist. 

        You never shared what you want

        but you know mine. 

        One thing I can make sure

        That my love would remain with you

        The way fragrance remains in the air.

 

 LKO

        

 

 

 

      

 

       

Sense of Loss

 I feel a sense of loss 

A sense of depression

A kind of fidgety which 

comes from staying at a place for long..

The time is passing

The disorganization of this place will prevail

Nothing can be done unless

focus is shifted to decentralization of power

Power here is curbed

and often delivered verbally

which has no meaning at all. 

 

I feel a sense of loss

Most of the energy is spent on trivial talk

and solving trivial issues

Lack of my own space

Sometimes makes me crazy..

and then I start hating everything here.

Over the time, I haven't found anything 

loving or scholarly which can keep me grounded. 

I feel, I don't have much to learn

not much to improve.

 

LKO

 

 

Trust

When a leopard talks about
Spreading love...
No one believes in that.
People may believe a leaopard
Until it shows its real color,
Its intention.
I wonder how it could be
living with a leopard all the time
From the morning to dusk
How it could be to consume
the food it brings
Or water it gives.
I do wonder
What kind of person he is
Who trusts a leopard.

LKO

Happy Halloween

The way Jerry harasses Tom
I would have harassed her--the pumpkin.
I would have snatched her food away
Instead of meat,
she would have found bones.
I would have thrashed her against the door
Or destroy her color pots.
I would have shown her how
good can prevail over the evil.
However, to achieve all these
I need to be a member of the "other world"
--the world of happy ghosts.

LKO

Homecoming

One day, we would return to...

To our core

To our heart.

 

You didn't understand 

when serpents grabbed you

and slept on your chest

You kissed them in deep sleep. 

 

I have come 

from far away

to rescue you

to take you back to the core

to our heart. 

LKO

Hugs and Kisses (XXOO)

Hello my lady, 

I am fine!

The uneasiness is gone...

The energy was taken away 

in the last week; the way sun sucks

the energy from the soil and makes it dry.

So, I thank the lady I love

and send her hugs and kisses.

LKO

Conversation XXV

Darling, I think I have given contradictory statement

So, I would like to make amendment. 

--Okay. go ahead. 

I wanted your pumpkin to co-exist

until I discovered...

--until you discovered ? 

Yes, until I discovered their real face

that they hide behind their beautiful masks. 

 

One day, I found that behind the mask

they are like serpents

they are clever leopards

and nothing else. 

From that day, 

I had abandoned the idea of co-existence. 

 

Are you listening? 

--Yes, go ahead. 

Now, I actually don't want you

to live with those leopards 

because they cannot be trusted. 

May be, sometimes they are good to you

may be they try to impress my lady

But remember, once a leopard 

always a leopard

So, I don't trust them. 

 

--Okay

What does it mean by okay? 

--I am listening...

She made a face

lightly stroked his beard 

and vanished in the air. 

The conversation is over. 

LKO

 

Sickness

They are making me sick

I am just surviving!

Those dangerous people of Farooq's 

want me to leave him.

 

LKO

Potential

Most people show a picture-perfect life 

but in reality nothing can be picture-perfect!

The country's standard of living has increased 

and at the same time people's desire 

for material things and extravaganza 

Somehow, people are not happy with simple life.

If one side of the coin is simplicity

then the other side is self-restriction.

We have forgotten that in picture 

everything looks good

everyone looks happy

but in reality people might be dealing with

illness and emptiness. 

 

My little world..though rough 

was simple and full of imaginations

We understood that whatever we desire

may not be fulfilled always

Thus, we learnt the value of rejection. 

 

It pains me that

Farooq's soul will be corrupted 

or may be it is already corrupted by 

his near ones and he is missing the chance

to hold my hand and to reach his full potential...

 

Once I told him to hold my hand 

and fly high..But I do not see

that is happening anytime soon. 

It is also sad, that his daughter's fate 

is going to be sealed by some conservatives 

who do not value liberty, individuality, 

honesty, courage, and freedom.   

LKO

 

A simple word

These days, I don't even say a simple word---

A simple word couple should say each other often

And that word is "sorry"

 

Have I taken him for granted?

No, I haven't dear! 

I am just more sure of our love than ever

So, I don't even feel to say "sorry"

After my nerve-racking criticism session

I should say "sorry"

I know anyone would tell me that. 

But I am just more sure of the fact

that he doesn't mind anymore 

and got a little used to with my censure.

I would want him to know

that never fear my criticism 

nor feel embarrassed or get offended

Rather, work on for betterment and change

Also, I would want him to know

I will be there for him (Should I?)

My loving soul is always full of 

his image, voices, words...

Even in sleep, I utter his name. 

LKO

 

Saving myself from...

Somehow, the person is not tolerable at all

I never found Farooq's brother-in-law appropriate 

My very first thought about him was "typical"

And if I were him, seeing this typical male personality

I would have rejected the sister

and thus would have saved myself from a great mistake. 

 

LKO

 

 

 

Justice

Justice is always done

Justice is always there 

by the almighty!

As he never waited for me

He received a thorn on his bed

and not a rose. 

 

LKO

Soft and Timid

In front of Akbar

Our contemporary Selim 

is always timid 

and hesitates to state things clearly. 

He is always not in "himself"

while sitting beside him.

There could be some reason 

since his childhood...

Above all, Selim is part of 

a patriarchal Islamic family

where a father's viewpoint may

not be counter-argued.

LKO

Farooq's Early Marriage

I saw a teenage woman in the balcony

Or may be a little older than that 

with a baby in her arms. 

It reminded me Farooq's early marriage. 

To me, it's quite unattractive 

to see a woman holding a kid in her arms 

in her early twenties. 

So, I never approve Farooq's early marriage 

and an early procreation

Even though, I am glad that he is gifted 

with a daughter..which I already knew he would!

 

When a woman in her early twenties

is burdened with a child

It demonstrates poor condition of women;

Celebrating her only in the inner space

and not contributing enough outside. 

Farooq, I love your daughter

But I would never stop criticizing you

for your choice. 

LKO

 

White Island

They are dangerous people
They have sent my beloved
To the White Island.
It's not natural to go there
so soon..
They are dangerous people
To live with.

LKO

Illusion

Do you know
You have been forcefully
taken from me?
They created such an illusion
that you couldn't do a proper analysis
Nor you had a strong intuition like me.
You have some intuitive power
But the power of illusion was stronger
than your intuition
The result was that you
chose a wrong person
to spend your life with.

LKO

The Leopard Saga

 I feel sad for him.

According to his inner quality

He shouldn't have received a leopard

in his life....the mother leopard is more 

dangerous than the mini one

and always competes with him

in a subtle way. 

Now, he is a soft, feeble guy

Who cannot go against these leopards

and therefore, forced to stay silent

or compromise. 

If he decides to compromise constantly

Without any effort to rescue himself...

He is definitely going to lose the tigress. 

LKO

Parasites

If I were you, by this time

I would have shown

these leopards their exact standing.

I would have shown these parasites 

their real station and kicked them 

out of my home.

LKO

Deep Blue Water

Deep blue water
I try to find you.
After I take a dip
Instead of pearl
I find mere algae.
After my dip
After my bath
I only sigh and cry.
Would one day
you keep your soft palm
on my burning forehead?
Would one day your soft touch
console my heart ?

LKO

Three vs Two

She knows what is there 

in their mind. 

They are "three"

Who think her as an obstacle---

a barrier to find happiness and love. 

Happiness, loneliness, broken heart

all these are feelings and conditions 

which do not depend on anyone else.  

 

Then there are two..

who love her genuinely

the lady and the son-

her perfect other half 

for whom she came back after 

two weeks of disappearance. 

LKO

 

Broken Heart and Equinox

End of September...

We have passed the autumnal equinox 

The number of kites in the sky declined. 

 

While dozing by the wall

She saw his face...in a half-asleep state

He was getting married to a 

different woman..completely unknown. 

 

In the Fall

She entered his room late

The city looked beautiful

through the window. 

 

She scrolled through...

And found the text

edited by him.

 

LKO

 

The golfer

As a father, he has failed 

to empower his daughter

Her face doesn't reflect any confidence

Nor she is willing to make an effort.

If I had all these opportunities

I would have touched the sky

and drawn my own rainbow.

This becomes more prominent

When I see the golfer girl

and her assertive smile.

She is probably the only one

Who can win my heart

Among all of them.

LKO

Cake

His father gave him a cake
Which feels sweet on the surface
But as you go deeper and deeper
It becomes bitter and tasteless.

LKO

Two poems

It hurts more when 

he excludes me.

He knows that 

I don't get along well

with the "silver in a fish bowl"

but he could have left that to me

how I should deal with

instead of excluding me. 

 

****************************

 

I feel the pink mouse 

who has grown bigger 

and cannot be called 

a "mouse" anymore 

may have fallen sick.  

but there is no need to worry. 

 

LKO

Farooq's Many Lovers

Farooq, regarding you  

I am never insecure

Even if you are surrounded 

by many women like the guy 

in the commercial 

where the angels are drawn 

I am not bothered.  

Rather, I think a man is blessed 

when he receives affection and love from women 

with good intentions. 

Even anyone imagines you

from sexual perspective

or from the romantic one

I would understand it.

In many occasions, several women 

openly expressed their likings in front of me 

without knowing the nature of my emotion

Sometimes, many statements were like that 

which they might not tolerate towards their men.

But I never had any negative feelings;

Instead, I enjoyed their statements 

and their attentions towards you.

 

LKO

 

 

Passive Feminism

I strongly condemn them
who are so called feminists here
and who practice and preach a
passive feminism
rather than an active one!

I strongly condemn these women
who would rather say that
the city is conventional but
wouldn't take a step forward
to embrace an unconventional way.

When you already decide
that people here are 
not ready to accept change
without any experimentation
Then, you have no right
to decide on anything
related to be it pedagogy
or life.

LKO

চৈত্র শেষের বসন্ত

মেঘে মেঘে আওয়াজ উঠেছে আজ
বাতাসে ভাসছে শীতল সোঁদা গন্ধ
আর যাই হোক
প্রকৃতি অন্তত করুনা করে না।

হাসি হাসি কুমারী রোদ্দুরে
অনির্বানের মৌসুমী ছায়া
আনে অবিরাম বৃষ্টি
সবটুকু জল সংহত হলে
ঢালো তুমি এইখানে
এই রিক্ত-শুন্য হতাশাদীর্ণ  জনারণ্যে।

Kolkata, 2001-2003

The Motion Picture

Sometimes I feel
there is no point writing to you.
My communication is one-sided
It is me who weaves words together
and makes a beautiful garland
It is me who is the master of our story
--the director of the motion picture;


Sometimes I feel there is no hope between us.
The happiness we had--the fleeting happiness
which reflected and refracted and finally reached
to both of us was often smeared with blood
As I am not able to understand
where you belong in the broader spectrum
of our community, I am unable to take a decision.
But before leaving, if there is only silence
You won't receive any more dialogues from this director;
Every picture has an end--either happy or tragic.

LKO

Fear and Escape

I have started to fear your city
I have started to fear my own voice
I have started to fear confronting people
I have started to fear institutional culture
I feel the city would never grow up nor its people..
(Or they are too much grown up that it is hard to comprehend ?)
They would remain immature and imbecile
I am waiting to escape
I want to forget all about it
like how we try to forget a nightmare.

LKO

Flashback 2012

Flashback 2012...
New Delhi Airport-domestic terminal
I was flying back to my hometown
after attending a workshop.
I was waiting at the gate of Air India
Boarding would start in a minute;
And then, all of a sudden
I couldn't believe my eyes...
The five feet eight inch tall
My "hill girl" is leaving through the gate;
The situation wasn't feasible to call her
among other flight attendants.
And I wasn't sure if she would recall me
We haven't met after we left college.
But she turned back....like how
SRK says "palat"on the silver screen
She turned back and smiled at me!
and indicated that she would meet me inside the aircraft.
The journey from Delhi became memorable
She treated me as her special guest,
called me from my seat and I sat with her in that small space
where air hostesses are only allowed to seat.
It was lovely to catch up with each other after a long time...
And it was indeed pleasant to see that she had become
what she wanted to be..I reminded her that--
Once she said she would become an air hostess...
She said--did she ?
I said-YES.

LKO