Polyamory-1

Your non-transparency

Towards her

Put me in fire

Burning hatred...

Trauma

Words pour into rain...

Words float in the wind...

Deception covered like a fog

Or like a mirage it startled everything.

Where one analyzes what trauma can do

Other brings the trauma onto us!

Smell of Deception

My eyes will be on you

Throughout my life,

you won't be able to avoid my gaze. 

There is a sense of deceit

The smell of it would remain in my bones

And beyond life!

 

No healing

No ointment can heal this wound

It is so deeply embedded

Not a single "sorry" I heard

from two of you---the mother and offspring. 

If this is not healed in my lifetime 

I would come back again...

 

Advice

He said "Just go with the flow"

I paused and thought 

Such a wise advice!

Because it saves you

When you can't do anything;

When you don't know

any logical explanation.

Bitterness

Farooq, you have put me through enormous pain 

And I wouldn't forget it. 

I have probably come to know the tip of the iceberg 

and nine-tenth is under water...

If I know the entire truth someday

My soul only be filled with bitterness.

 

Child Marriage

Farooq, do you know 

how I interpret your marriage sometimes?

 --How? 

 --Child Marriage! Marrying a person who didn't even finish college.

It's an astonishing fact that being an educated person

you encouraged it by giving your consent.  

It doesn't matter if it is out of "Love, Societal or Cultural Need"

It really does not count as a justification. 

So, even you were not ashamed, thinking of it

I am! 

Sleeping Volcanoes

The hills you see 

Looks calm and pretty.

They are lush green and 

soothing to eyes!

But do you know baby

they are sleeping volcanoes 

And one day

they may rise again. 

Instinct

I don't go by your words
I go by my own instinct. 

Good company matters!

Farooq, good company matters

And good environment too...

Day by day you are reflecting 

the negative impacts on you

through your words! 

 

Benevolent Hearts

Looking at those hills 
The way those hills merge

with the city skyline

She once again realized the vastness 

of this universe...

There is no force anywhere on this planet

that can separate two benevolent hearts.

BLR 

The Last Chord

You are like the last chord
I am not going to play anymore...

I put enormous trust in you

But now all is broken; 

All gone...

LKO 

Farooq and his shoe shop

After I gathered the piece of information 

that Farooq was a clerk in a college

My imagination flourished.

I started thinking of his daily routine.

Probably Farooq had to feed many mouths 

So, he opened a shoe shop

And I accompanied him. 

In his absence, I looked after it;

In the evening, we both spent time in the shop 

and chatted when there were no customers.

The business was okay...not too much profit

Not too much loss.

It gave us a way to love each other more

And we were contented.

LKO

Farooq and his shoes

I asked her

How was Farooq?

Farooq was an ordinary man.

What did he do for living?

He was a clerk in a local college.

I wanted to ask about the shoe shop.

But it might raise suspicion.

So, I remained silent...

And thought about my favorite shoes 

Which Zubeir Khan often wore.

Artwork

Looking at these beautiful artworks

When my heart remains

broken, fragmented, and painful

Seemed like deceived by a fellow ACE...

Who is afraid to come out; 

These artworks...

Not just work

But our stories

Yes, we are not broken 

As non-normative

We have our stories

And our ways to express!

LKO

On "coincidence"

Farooq, everything you can't blame on "coincidence" 

You did lead me on...

You would know that in your heart

Truth is buried there...

Hope you reveal it in my lifetime. 

Rift

Farooq, I would never forgive those,

those who are the people of the household...

Who have created this enormous rift

between you and me.

The Saptami

 In the evening of Saptami

(the seventh evening of their festival),

An ordinary girl from the north 

ventured towards the southern part of the city,

reached her house and opened the small gate.

--The house of the lady;

who either came in yellow or orange

A lady with curly hair and fair complexion. 

Sometimes they sat near the math 

Sometimes they watched a movie

and talked about the long-haired boy...

There were beautiful letters and poetry

which the lady loved reading! 

There was no deception in the true sense

Or was there? 

It is hard to tell...

Rather a fundamental difference in character

led to their ultimate separation.

 

LKO

 

 

 

Don't need your pity

You said it was unprecedented

You said you would consider that 

my brain has immense capacity 

to build narrative from everyday life

and find evidence to support such narrative!

You tried to give me solace...

You wanted to show 

Everything I did or said,

was made of my imagination.

I would like to remind you 

As you have denied everything,

I don't need your pity. 

LKO

#garlic

 As I stepped into the corridor

The strong smell of garlic 

wafted through the air...

And it reminded me of you

And your house

I imagined if you could 

have asked me about garlic 

the way you asked about onion. 

LKO (penned on May 25, 2021)

Conversation XXVIII

 Farooq... 

"What?"

Finally, I am happy

I am happy to leave the city

I have been immensely tortured here. 

 

Farooq was busy eating oranges;

We sat on the roof

enjoying the bright sunny afternoon

But he did hear my words.

Farooq...? 

--Hmm...

His mouth was filled with oranges. 

His words on the last day were not coherent.

Did you know that I would find the inconsistency? 

Faroq did not reply

He never did

He was a good listener 

but not an eloquent speaker

Farooq completed eating a whole orange

and reached for another one. 

LKO

#bonding

Her whole world fell apart...
She thought they would have 

lifelong bonding

But he denied everything!

LKO

#no Sharing

Farooq, my heart aches a lot...

As you denied, 

beautiful stories about us

can't be shared anymore

My heart aches a lot...

It's raining again. 

LKO

#denial

That day, my heart ached a lot 

That day, it rained 

The wait was long...

What was there to be confronted?

You just simply needed to ask...

That day, my heart ached a lot

You denied to be an ACE

You denied to come out

in front of me!

You were so afraid.

 

LKO

 

Love or Guilt?

Farooq, she took the blame.

I would never believe she had done that to me. 

The thing which bothers me all the time 

that you utterly dismissed my EQ and intuition

And proved me wrong. 

I am constantly questioning myself...

 

One more thing I want to say...

There could be three things

that you would want to pay me back

First, you feel guilty and you would want to make it up!

Second, you want to reward for my developmental work

Third, you simply love me and think I deserve! 

Only for the third reason I wouldn't resist you

and let you fulfill your wish.

I do not think you would do the same 

for any other subordinates of yours. 

LKO

 

 

 

#ballad

Why would I write the story?

Or a ballad?

Why would you want me to open my wound

and bleed again?

What right do you have to request so?

LKO

#ACE

From now on 

nothing can hold her back

From now on,

She is a free human...

Expressing, loving, enjoying her true identity;

From now on,

She is only an ACE!

LKO

Nothing would change (?)

Farooq, I think

Even if I love you in poems

They erupt their venom towards me. 

 In the middle of the night 

the sickness appeared again.

The "tower of hatred"--the poetry--

didn't it match with our previous life?

Farooq, I don't blame you for the past

The "demise" I wrote was about the 

demise I am facing in my present. 

In this life, I am going to be separated

the way we were...

So, nothing would alter in this life (?)

Farooq, I can't miss the chance twice. 

 

LKO

 

 

Wish

Their hearts are black

like the coal tar

It's not that mine is always white.

I would want their departure 

Because,  I am the only one 

Who has the right to

truly claim Farooq. 

LKO

 

Phoneix

One day you would become a phoenix
You would set on fire

And rise above it.

You would think of only you

And not the society

That day...

We would become ONE. 

LKO

Visiting

Farooq, I know
Who I am 

And it's not an illusion. 

One day, you would travel to a place

situated by the water

To visit me. 

LKO

Erotic....

Farooq...

What?

She is overtly erotic

"You can't judge her

She has freedom to be erotic."

Yes, I know.

The only thing is that

In the ACE world

Eroticism has little value.

It is not the key to our hearts.

 

LKO

 

 

Karma

Today I sincerely prayed for you

and delivered all my past good karma to you. 

 

LKO

 

 

 

 

Mourning

Today is a day of mourning.

Today, I would wear blue. 

Today, my lady could have 

prevented my loss. 

Today, he could have decided

to wait few more days...

for my arrival. 

 

 

Writing

When I was young

My mother probably never wanted me to write.

She always felt writing poems 

has no value in real life.

Or may be she somewhat perceived

that it would always be a painful process. 

Recently, on a social media 

somebody wrote poetry means "time pass"

And I thought what famous poets 

like Coleridge or Wordsworth have to say on that?

Would they think

that they didn't do any constructive work

And therefore killed their time lying

in the meadow or by the stream

or rolled in the grass

and filled up pages with imagined words.

 

 

LKO

 

 

 

Dark Poem

The first day of this year

I have started with darkness

I have started by writing some 

dark thoughts which lurked 

in the corner of my mind

in the shadow...

But this darkness 

does reflect my desire to be with you

And it does reflect how 

people, including your "self" 

conspired to take away "you"

from me. 

LKO